Admin, my husband and I used to be full time citizens of Lusaka’s nightlife, the kind of couple that could walk into a club and greet the DJ like a cousin. We’re still young, just three years married, and we actually met in one of those same clubs when he was at UNZA and I was at NIPA. Back then, life was loud, exciting, and slightly irresponsible in a fun way. Even after we got married, nothing really changed, we kept going out together like it was part of our job description. He would enjoy his football, I would enjoy just being there, and everything somehow worked. But now, we have a baby, and somewhere between diapers, sleepless nights, and realizing that hangovers and motherhood are sworn enemies, I have completely lost interest in that life. The same clubs that once felt like paradise now feel like a place where my tired soul would go just to suffer. I sat him down and tried to explain this change, hoping he would understand, but it felt like I was talking to someone whose ears were still inside the speakers at the club.
What breaks my heart is that he is still going out like nothing has changed, like we are still those same two people with no responsibilities waiting at home. I even spoke to his close friends to try and talk sense into him, but it seems like they are either part of the problem or just enjoying VIP access to his bad decisions. The painful part is that we had agreed, clearly, that once we became parents, we would slow down, reduce the alcohol, and focus on our family. Instead, it feels like parenthood came for me and skipped him like an optional update he refused to install. Now I find myself blaming myself, wondering if maybe I encouraged that lifestyle too much in the beginning, like I helped build a house that I am now begging him to move out of. I love my husband deeply, but it hurts sitting at home with our baby while he is out there living like curfew is a suggestion and not a responsibility. At this point, I feel like I am raising two children, one cries for milk and the other cries for music, and only one of them actually listens when I speak. I honestly do not know what to do anymore, because this gap between us is growing quietly, and it is starting to feel louder than any music we ever danced to together. Please, I need help on what I can do to change this or at least understand how to handle it before?
